Your Leadership Shadow Is Too Long
What I Learned When My Mentor Told Me To Get Out
Twenty years ago, I was that leader - the VP who couldn't understand why my team wasn't evolving as quickly as I knew they could. Our retrospectives felt stagnant. Our pace of change had slowed. I was frustrated, but confident I could help if I just stayed more involved. After all, I was the kind of leader who could roll up my sleeves and work alongside the team, right?
Wrong.
I was the problem.
The Leadership Blind Spot
It took a blunt conversation with a mentor to help me see what I couldn't: my presence was casting a shadow that was stifling the very engagement I was trying to create. Like many leaders, I was enthusiastically attending every standup, participating in every planning session, and jumping into technical discussions whenever possible. My intention was to show support and stay connected. The reality was something entirely different.
I remember the resistance I felt when my mentor suggested I step back. "But I'm the kind of leader who can do this," I argued. "They need me in there." His response was simple: "Your title says you're not. Just try it."
Understanding Impact vs Intent
The challenge isn't that we're wrong to want involvement. The challenge is that our role fundamentally changes how others perceive and react to our presence. When I finally stepped back and observed, I saw it clearly - when I was in the room, conversations shifted. Decision-making dynamics changed. Risk-taking diminished. Natural team dynamics altered.
This wasn't because I was a bad leader. It happened because titles create gravity that pulls focus and changes behavior - even when that's the last thing we want. I had to face an uncomfortable truth: my presence, despite the best intentions, was holding my team back.
The Experiment That Changed Everything
The turning point came when I decided to treat my stepping back as an experiment. I gathered my team and was transparent: "I think I might be the reason our retrospectives aren't as effective as they could be. I'd like to try something for the next few months - I'm going to step back, and here's why..."
The results were transformative. Without my shadow looming over every discussion, the team found their voice. They took risks they wouldn't have taken with me in the room. They had conversations they might have held back from having. Most importantly, they grew in ways they couldn't while I was always there to catch them.
The Three Keys to Stepping Back
Through this experience, I learned three fundamental truths about adjusting leadership presence:
Move from Activity to Outcome Focus
Shift from monitoring daily work to measuring results
Trust your team to handle the details
Save your influence for truly strategic decisions
Build Structured Connection Points
Create intentional touchpoints that don't disrupt team flow
Establish clear escalation paths
Define when your presence is truly needed
Communicate the Why
Share your intentions openly
Explain how this helps team growth
Create safe feedback channels
Making the Shift
Today, I help other leaders navigate this same challenge. Often, I see them struggling with the same resistance I felt. They want to be involved. They care deeply about their teams. They believe their presence adds value. And sometimes, they're right - but not in the way they think.
The goal isn't to become uninvolved - it's to be strategically involved. This means choosing your moments carefully and making your presence meaningful when it occurs. It means trusting your team enough to let them work through challenges without immediate intervention. Most importantly, it means measuring success through team growth and outcomes rather than through the frequency of your involvement.
The Leadership Challenge
I challenge you to try what I did: Identify one regular meeting or activity where you suspect your presence might be more hindrance than help. Step back. Create a clear way to measure impact. Be transparent with your team about what you're doing and why. Then watch what happens.
Remember: I learned the hard way that sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can do is create space for others to lead.
Don't wait twenty years to learn this lesson like I did.
To the space you create,
Josh Anderson
Editor-In-Chief
The Leadership Lighthouse
Want to hear more about my journey from over-involved VP to effective leader? In my latest video discussion, I dive deeper into this transformative moment in my career and share additional strategies for finding the right balance of leadership presence. Plus, my mentor from this story joins me to share his side of our crucial conversation from twenty years ago. Watch the full discussion to learn how to navigate this challenging leadership transition.